Get off your knees!

I’m going to bash you, Katy Red.

I’m going to come and getcha, because for once I think I’ve got close to the moral high ground, and I feel I should boast about it.

http://all-sweetness-and-life.blogspot.com/2012/02/on-your-knees.html

She’s funny, Katy Red. She really is. I like her blog, but in this instance I’m a little perturbed by the underlying assumptions.

  • All women want committment, and for them dating is just a means to an end: marriage and kids
  • All men want zero committment, and begrudgingly accept marriage so they have oral sex on tap

Very few women are actual princesses, brought up on a milky diet of Mills and Boon, and feeling that their lives are empty unless they limpet themselves to “Good Man”. At least I hope not. I’d lose a lot of respect for women if I thought their sense of self was tied up in an attachment to a gormless lump like me.

There is no such thing as the Mills And Boon “Good Man”. At best, there’s a “Reasonable Man”. A little more nuanced and complex than you’d think. Sometimes good, sometimes stupid, sometimes downright obnoxious. Woman have seen us farting and snoring and dribbling kebab down our front. Picking our nose and scratching our balls. They know full well that we’re not the answer to their dreams. Not unless their dreams are of a feckless oaf who only remembers your birthday when he’s at the garage on the way home.

What self-respecting woman wants to bind her life to him? Honestly, you don’t want a life-term. You want a short-term contract with an option to extend. But that’s not a marriage, that’s just a committed relationship between two trusting adults. That’s sensible. That works.

And it’s what men want too, at least most of the men I know. Sure, we like blowjobs (although speaking purely for myself, they’re OK, but not the greatest thing we can do together). And some of us would put our cocks into a pencil sharpener if you told us it would feel good. But we’re not all like that. I know a dozen men who have been 100% committed to a partner for 10 or more years. I was too, until recently – or at least, I was as committed to her as she was to me, which I think is fair.

I know some men who have been desperate to marry. My brother, for example. He couldn’t wait to get wed, and start a family. And he did. He married his girlfriend, and they had 2 lovely kids… both of whom he gets every other weekend. Marriage didn’t stop him from falling out of love with his wife, it simply cost £20,000 for the ceremony at the beginning and £20,000 for lawyers at the end.

The truth is, we’re all apes. We have animal behaviours, even if we don’t often think of ourselves like that. All apes live in social groups and have largely monogomous relationships, which last just long enough to mate and raise their young to an age where they can take care of themselves. After that, the parents split and look for new mates. It’s the best way to diversify DNA, and is therefore best for healthy offspring. It’s what nature compels us to do.

In the case of humans, the natural length of a relationship is around 16 years. That’s enough time to have 2-3 kids and raise them to an age where they can survive alone. After that, our animal instincts tell us we’ve had enough, and need to start again.

That’s what nature intends. All this marriage codswallop is just an artifice which was largely invented to give men property rights over women.

So it’s entirely natural for women to want to find a stong, reliable man who will help to raise young. And it’s also natural for that man to want to do so. But don’t expect it to last 45 years, because that’s not nature’s way.

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3 thoughts on “Get off your knees!

  1. I loved this when you first posted it. I still love it. I like so much of what you write, I think I love you. I agree with your 16 year theory. And in this age of ease and abundance, I’m afraid the stability of marriage will continue to deteriorate.
    I’m a 48 year old woman who never married because a) I think it’s too much to ask two people to stay together much past 10 years (I find 5 years is just right in most cases), let alone 50 years and b) I never wanted kids and most people marry for that reason. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but you need two very exceptional people to make it work for several decades. Since high school, I could see that marriage was something society imposed on all of us (for the very good reason of raising children) and watched all my friends marry. At every wedding I couldn’t see myself doing it (the wedding day itself would be a day in hell for me) no matter how happy the bride looked.
    Now I’m single again at 48 after my last boyfriend in 2010 (lasted all of six months at which point his wife took him back after 16 months of separation). True to form, I don’t wish to be married, but even finding a boyfriend at this age is proving impossible even with my youthful good looks.
    Read about your cancer. You seem to be in good form.

    1. Thanks very much. It seems my theory is right, if only for rare and insightful people 🙂

      Cancer is all over with now, and I’m very healthy. Cheers!

  2. Sorry Dave, I don’t get to see the email you provide. If you see this, follow my Twitter @dickgraceless and direct message me there. Or suggest another way to send me your email address.

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