Scene: Interior, day, hospital ward. The young urology consultant is visiting Mole Rat, who lies in bed with a book
Consultant: Good morning.
Mole Rat: Hello there.
Consultant: Well, that was a bit of a surprise!
Mole Rat: What was?
Consultant: …. your cancer?
Mole Rat: Oh yes. That. Sorry. Yes, yes it was.
(Consultant has notes. He consults them. The clue is in the title.)
Consultant: It says here you don’t smoke.
Mole rat: Correct.
Consultant: Smoking is the major cause of kidney cancer.
Mole rat: I’m sorry to disappoint you.
Consultant: Do you work with chemicals.
Mole rat: No, I make websites.
Consultant: Chemical exposure is another major cause.
Mole rat: Not much of that in website design.
Consultant: I imagine not. Has anybody explained to you about the surgery?
Mole rat: You’re going to remove my kidney.
Consultant: That’s right. We’ll do an open surgery. I just wanted to let you know before we take you down to theatre.
Mole rat: I hope it’s not as bad as the last time I was in theatre.
(Consultant consults his notes, once again living up to his reputation)
Consultant: I’m sorry, I can’t see when you were last in theatre.
Mole rat: We Will Rock You. It was awful.
Consultant: Oh I see. Very good.
Mole rat: Sorry.
Consultant: Was it that bad?
Mole rat: I haven’t seen it, I just liked the joke.
Consultant [long pause]: We’ll try not to hurt you.
(Mole Rat suspects they will try to hurt him. It really was a terrible joke.)